discernment Posts

Earlier today I posted an excerpt of an interesting article on Anabaptism on my Tumblr blog and it's engendered quite a conversation on Facebook about testimonies and empty forms, etc. It's true that any form of spiritual discipline can get twisted into look-at-me heroism or lets-talk-anything-but-God group conformity.

The answer isn't to give up testimonies or to hold onto them even tighter, but instead to constantly remind ourselves about their purpose: to learn how to live as an attentive people of God. Here's what I wrote on Facebook:

I've been a mostly bicycle-riding vegan for decades, an outspoken pacifist and a frequent plain dresser. All of these practices have aided my spiritual growth but also have unearthed new sources of pride for me to wrestle with. The self-examination has been practice in discernment.

I often think back to the story of the Good Samaritan. What mattered wasn't how he was dressed or whether he was riding a bicycle. No, what mattered is that he knew enough to know he was being called to sacrifice something: to get covered in a strangers blood, to aid someone who might resent him for it, to lose money he had earned to put someone up for the night. Maybe he had practiced this discernment of self-sacrifice by living a testimony that had challenged him to navigate between loss and pride, and maybe he had been brought up in a community where the value of love was prized above all. The important thing is he knew to stop and be a true neighbor.

A few weeks ago a newsletter brought written reports about the latest round of conflict at a local meeting that's been fighting for the past 180 years or so. As my wife and I read through it we were a bit underwhelmed by the accounts of the newest conflict resolution attempts. The mediators seemed more worried about alienating a few long-term disruptive characters than about preserving the spiritual vitality of the meeting. It's a phenomena I've seen in a lot of Quaker meetings.

Call it the FDR Principle after Franklin D Roosevelt, who supposedly defended his support of one of Nicaragua's most brutal dictators by saying "Somoza may be a son of a bitch, but he's our son of a bitch." Even casual historians of Latin American history will know this only led to fifty years of wars with reverberations across the world with the Iran/Contra scandal. The FDR Principle didn't make for good U.S. foreign policy and, if I may, I'd suggest it doesn't make for good Quaker policy either. Any discussion board moderator or popular blogger knows that to keep an online discussion's integrity you need to know when to cut a disruptive trouble-maker off--politely and succintly, but also firmly. If you don't, the people there to actually discuss your issues--the people you want--will leave.

I didn't know how to talk about this until a post called Conflict in Meeting came through Livejournal this past First Day. The poster, jandrewm, wrote in part:

Yet my recognition of all that doesn't negate the painful feelings that arise when hostility enters the meeting room, when long-held grudges boil over and harsh words are spoken.  After a few months of regular attendance at my meeting, I came close to abandoning this "experiment" with Quakerism because some Friends were so consistently rancorous, divisive, disruptive.  I had to ask myself: "Do I need this negativity in my life right now?"

I commented about the need to take the testimonies seriously:

I've been in that situation. A lot of Friends aren't very good at putting their foot down on flagrantly disruptive behavior. I wish I could buy the "it eventually sorts out" argument but it often doesn't. I've seen meetings where all the sane people are driven out, leaving the disruptive folks and armchair therapists. It's a symbiotic relationship, perhaps, but doesn't make for a healthy spiritual community.

The unpopular solution is for us to take our testimonies seriously. And I mean those more specific testimonies buried deep in copies in Faith & Practice that act as a kind of collective wisdom for Quaker community life. Testimonies against detraction and for rightly ordered decision making, etc. If someone's actions tear apart the meeting they should be counseled; if they continue to disrupt then their decision-making input should be disregarded. This is the real effect of the old much-maligned Quaker process of disowning (which allowed continued attendance at worship and life in the community but stopped business participation). Limiting input like this makes sense to me.

The trouble that if your meeting is in this kind of spiral there might not be much you can do by yourself. People take some sort of weird comfort in these predictable fights and if you start talking testimonies you might become very unpopular very quickly. Participating in the bickering isn't helpful (of course) and just eats away your own self. Distancing yourself for a time might be helpful. Getting involved in other Quaker venues. It's a shame. Monthly meeting is supposed to be the center of our Quaker spiritual life. But sometimes it can't be. I try to draw lessons from these circumstances. I certainly understand the value and need for the Quaker testimonies better simply because I've seen the problems meetings face when they haven't. But that doesn't make it any easier for you.

But all of this begs an awkward question: are we really building Christ's kingdom by dropping out? It's an age-old tension between purity and participation at all costs. Timothy asked a similar question of me in a comment to my last post. Before we answer, we should recognize that there are indeed many people who have "abandoned" their "Quaker experiment" because we're not living up to our own ideals.

Maybe I'm more aware of this drop-out class than others. It sometimes seems like an email correspondence with the "Quaker Ranter" has become the last step on the way out the door. But I also get messages from seekers newly convinced of Quaker principles but unable to connect locally because of the divergent practices or juvenile behavior of their local Friends meeting or church. A typical email last week asked me why the plain Quakers weren't evangelical and why evangelical Quakers weren't conservative and asked "Is there a place in the quakers for a Plain Dressing, Bible Thumping, Gospel Preaching, Evangelical, Conservative, Spirit Led, Charismatic family?" (Anyone want to suggest their local meeting?)

We should be more worried about the people of integrity we're losing than about the grumpy trouble-makers embedded in some of our meetings. If someone is consistently disruptive, is clearly breaking specific Quaker testimonies we've lumped under community and intergrity, and stubbornly immune to any council then read them out of business meeting. If the people you want in your meeting are leaving because of the people you really don't want, then it's time to do something. Our Quaker toolbox provides us tool for that action--ways to define, name and address the issues. Our tradition gives us access to hundreds of years of experience, both mistakes and successes, and can be a more useful guide than contemporary pop psychology or plain old head-burying.

Not all meetings have these problems. But enough do that we're losing people. And the dynamics get more acute when there's a visionary project on the table and/or someone younger is at the center of them. While our meetings sort out their issues, the internet is providing one type of support lifeline.

Blogger jandrewm was able to seek advice and consolation on Livejournal. Some of the folks I spoke about in the 2003 "Lost Quaker Generation" series of posts are now lurking away on my Facebook friends list. Maybe we can stop the full departure of some of these Friends. They can drop back but still be involved, still engaging their local meeting. They can be reading and discussing testimonies ("detraction" is a wonderful place to start) so they can spot and explain behavior. We can use the web to coordinate workshops, online discussions, local meet-ups, new workship groups, etc., but even email from a Friend thousands of miles away can help give us clarity and strength.

I think (I hope) we're helping to forge a group of Friends with a clear understanding of the work to be done and the techniques of Quaker discernment. It's no wonder that Quaker bodies sometimes fail to live up to their ideals: the journals of  olde tyme Quaker ministers are full of disappointing stories and Christian tradition is rich with tales of the roadblocks the Tempter puts up in our path. How can we learn to  center in the Lord when our meetings become too political or disfunctional (I think I should start looking harder at Anabaptist non-resistance theory). This is the work, Friends, and it's always been the work. Through whatever comes we need to trust that any testing and heartbreak has a purpose, that the Lord is using us through all, and that any suffering will be productive to His purpose if we can keep low and listening for follow-up instructions.

• New blog from Brent Bill: Sacred Compass: The Spiritual Discernment Blog
  The divine compass points us the mind and love of God. This blog is a place of theological hospitality and sharing experiences of spiritual discernment.
  (tags: quaker quaker.blogs)

• Ordinary Brent on the goals of a Convergent movement
  The first thing I believe is that the convergent Friends movement is not for everybodyl. The ultimate question is not "What would Jesus do?" but rather the more demanding, "What would Jesus have us do?" That requires carefully discernment work.
  (tags: quaker quaker.convergent)
• LizOpp on how Friends are and are not individualistic
  The trick is that our meetings, as a whole, must be willing to engage in the labor of understanding just how far to tilt the scales, whether it be toward the individual and each of our preferences, beliefs, and practices.
  (tags: quaker quaker.ministry quaker.community)
• Gregg on joining the Spirit in the trenches
  I have so many things that need to be plucked, so many chains of attachment: desires for things, for significance, for others' approval. I want God to pluck out and break the bonds of these things that show how the world has shaped me more than God.
  (tags: quaker quaker.ministry)

• Robin M buys paper and thinks about the craft of writing
  Have any of you taken or taught a writing class recently? Do you recommend a particular school or type of class? Or a book on the subject?
  (tags: comment)
• Cherice on pro-war theory at seminary
  I just got done with my small group discussion session for my "War & Christian Conscience" class. In my discussion group, I'm the only pacifist, or at least the only pacifist who talks.
  (tags: comment)
• Paul on confusing God by making an idol of Quakerism
  Almost immediately, I regreted putting it the way I did, and the reason why came up a few minutes later when another Friend, a noted Quaker historian and writer, admitted to sometimes making an idol out his Quakerism instead of worshiping the Living God.
  (tags: quaker comment quaker.ministry)
• Showmen Ben on trusting individual discernment and one another
  If I don't trust my Friend, then I won't trust her initiative and I will resist her ideas. Trust is the trust we give the Holy Spirit, the trust we give to Jesus, the trust of handing our will and our lives over to a power greater than ourselves.
  (tags: quaker quaker.community)

• Robin M reads thriving churches book, Christianity for the Rest of Us
  If the keys to a thriving congregation are shared tradition, practice, and wisdom -- how are we sharing these with each other, especially newcomers? My meeting is in a growing phase right now. Can we step into the opportunities that God is showing us?
  (tags: quaker quaker.christianity quaker.outreach)
• Gregg K on the non-use of communion among Friends
  Only a few have anything to say in response to [question about use of communiion]. That troubles me; it tells me that we are not articulating well, we are not calling people toward, we are not setting before them the beautiful example of lives lit aflame.
  (tags: quaker quaker.evangelical quaker.ministry comment)
• Ben and Jody Richmond report from Friends Theological College in Western Kenya
  This is a testing time for the church in Kenya. Will we be able to be bearers of Good News that is deep enough to bring healing and hope to those who have been traumatized, and reconciliation to those who have experienced the reality of enmity?
  (tags: quaker quaker.kenya quaker.witness)
• Robin recommends Drayton's "Getting Rooted" pamphlet
  One of the best points for me was about maintaining the balance between finding our roots but not idolizing the past. It's good for anyone who has a tendency to think all the really good Quakers died before 1800.
  (tags: quaker quaker.books quaker.conservative)
• Robin on McLaren's social action
  So please excuse me if I feel like McLaren is re-stating the obvious. However, you know what else? Humans have a habit of continually stating and repeating the very, very obvious, and not just so our mouths don't freeze up.
  (tags: comment)
• Pastor Blue Jeans on making Jesus more important than Tiger Woods
  Maybe it is time for the church... to pay less attention to who is in the White house, and God forgive me(I know God will), what changes are needed in the Book of Discipline, and more time worried about telling the Good News to the world.
  (tags: comment)
• Richard M on leadings to go ahead on faith alone
  When such a leading strikes you know that you are supposed to go to a certain place or to be with a certain person. One can feel a little foolish making what is sometimes a big effort to go somewhere with no clear idea as to what you are going to do.
  (tags: quaker quaker.discernment)
• Blog use at Penn Charter school
  "Blogs change the way I teach," Kim explains. "In the classroom, I control most of the conversation, even if I try to get out of the way. But online, young people can engage with one another and really learn from one another."
  (tags: tech tech.internetculture)

Apologies to The Church Lady for the title (and apologies to Gregg K, I'm sure the actual sermon on hell from this Newburgh Friends Church pastor is more interesting than anything on Saturday night TV). The parenting links are a start toward a parenting page on QuakerQuaker. Those wanting to help should tag their Del.icio.us bookmarks and Flickr photos as "quaker.parenting"

• Susan Tannehill in Friends Journal: Parenting for Adulthood
  Our children, ages 12 and 8, are being raised within our meeting. Many times in my life as a Friendly parent I find myself not wanting to choose between two alternatives but to look at both of them and find some ground between them.
  (tags: quaker.parenting quaker.friendsjournal)
• Blog: Tree of Life Homeschool
  We're Quaker homeschoolers following the Enki approach to education and just beginning our journey. This is a personal scrapbook, a way for us to connect with other Quaker families and Enki homeschoolers.
  (tags: quaker.parenting)
• Gregg K preaches about hell!
  [M]y attempt to be faithful to obey the leadings of the Spirit for this particular group who are my spiritual community. I would guess that we may have ample opportunity to broaden the discussion. [Follow link in post for sermon]
  (tags: quaker quaker.christianity)
• Susanne K on the fruits of discernment
  What I have learned about discernment is to expect that if I am on the right path, on God's path for me, I will experience the "fruits of the spirit" - a sense of peace and "rightness" at a deeper level than personal emotions of joy, anger, or s
  (tags: quaker quaker.clearness)
• Imperfect Eileen on discernment in children
  I've been thinking about trusting the discernment of our children. It seems to bring together two huge and difficult questions: How do we know if someone else is truly listening to God's guidance? And how do we prepare our children to be adults?
  (tags: quaker quaker.clearness quaker.parenting)
• Chris M recounts sharing Quaker silence with at non-Quaker board retreat
  I helped facilitate a session on Quaker silence as one part of a board retreat for a local organization. We only had 15 minutes scheduled for the actual silence, and most of the group were not Quakers, so we called it "silent reflection/worship time."
  (tags: quaker quaker.outreach)